Thursday, July 15, 2010

Someone in ma class today said smth.. smth dat reali turned off ma mood.. totally went blank ..idk wad is it.. bt seriously i went bck to my"mind running" state .. sit dwn like a zombie reflect "everythin" da bad things hpnd to me ..thru ma imagination i was tryina find him .. i just cudn gt off those bad thoughts in ma mind.. n thoughts of him din help me ! whn i was tryina divert ma attention , i just cudn.. i din knw watta do .. i was ina "helpless" situation .. everybdy knws dat m a "bochap! ayaahh !! cnt be bothered kinda gerl .. who dun gives a damn to anythin .. puts everythin ona side .. dun care or evn give a thought of it..well .. suddenly if a simliar incident or sum1 says smth dat makes me reflect my bad times, datz whn i will bcum like dis !! i cn do nth to shake it oFF ! haiz.. m nw bloggin .. shud c my face nw .. it luks super dead ! thoughts of him whn we fite like kids .. whn he sucks his thumb like a baby n calls me "mummy!!! m hungry !!" reali made me soo idk wad bt ... i miss him .. i miss his smell arn me.. i miss his warmth .. i miss his warm tite hug.. i miss hearin his hrtbeat .. i miss tracing onto his tattoos wif ma fingers .. i miss da way he closes his eyes wif his hands .. smile n stick out his tongue like a baby whn hez makin his way towards me.. i miss hw he scolds me .. i miss playin da "knuckle punching" i miss his hard pinches on ma face .. i miss da way he toks abt me to his mum .. "ma jus luk @ her eyes!" whn his mum luk @ me i'll be like.. damn ! u luk so like ur mum ! i miss those long distance walks wif him.. i'll be holdin onto his arms n all da indian gerls will be starin @ us .. i miss his voice.. whn he sings his fav song, he shakes his head n sing soo loudly! i miss da way he stares into ma eyes whn m too engrossed into tokin smth veri ineteresting! n he'll ask me.. "ma! y u givin sooo much of expression..??" n i'll be like.. arent u listenin to me..??!!aarrgghh !! listen first !!"haha .. i miss da way he holds me frm my bck.. n his face rubbin against mine.. i cn reali feel his love n his breath thru my ears .. i reali miss da way he wipes my tears whn i say " bi .. i dun wanna leave u .. i dun wanna go bck .. i will miss u badly .. cn we stay a lil longer..??" n he says.. "bi .. dun cry .. plssss plss ma.. i cnt tke it..daddy will miss u also .. bt i wont jus cry it out.. u knw hw much i will miss u whn m in my camp.. doin ma things" really he holds me tightly to his chest .. wipes off ma tears n kisses me on ma eyes .. n he says.. nva seen such a beautiful eyes ! n there i go smiling !! haha.. i miss da way he feeds me sayin.. "eatt!! eatt !! dun say full ! finish it !" aftr eatin he will touch n rub my stomach askin" ma, full ald uh..?? hehehe" he goes smiling like a kid .. i miss da way he plays wif my hair..coverin his face n says"mummmy !! lets play hide n seek" goshh !! m so gonna ... well m gonna stop it hre.. cus if m gonna go onn...... seriously i miss every single moment wif him.. i miss u .. n i miss u .. i got nth to say bt to end ma post n day sayin n thinkin .. i miss u .. whn will i be bck to ur arms .. ??